Here in the village it was finally time to get festive. So last weekend, with a roaring log fire to keep us warm, we set about decorating our Christmas tree. In time honoured tradition we wanted to undertake this task with jolly festive music to both set the scene and inspire the creativity and eficacy of said decking. So I asked our lovely Amazon Alexa to furnish us with some Christmas tunes and she duly obliged with All I want for Christmas is you……….but (and get this right) sung by Michael Buble. It was a hashtag Alexa fail for sure but this one was of perhaps arguably epic and unforgiveable proportions! Michael Buble may have trademarked Christmas and there are unconfirmed reports that he is changing his name to Michael ‘Bauble’ but I’m not having All I want for Christmas is you sung by anyone other than her royal festive highness Mariah Carey. I was so shocked and derailed that I had to sit down for a moment to quaff a large sweet cooking sherry while Alexa sorted her sh!t out and finally got Mariah’s original blasting over the sound waves!
Lovely Amazon Alexa!
BTW, All I want for Christmas is you by Mariah Carey and Last christmas by Wham are the best ever Christmas songs and don’t even argue with me.
Anyhoo, it got me thinking about some of the nation’s other favourite (not as good though) Christmas songs…………..
Driving home for Christmas sung by Chris Rea. This song has never actually been heard on a real life car journey when it would be most needed, but you’ll hear it in every other situation. “Top to toe in tailbacks, oh I got red lights on the run” (no, I’m selling mince pies at the School Christmas Bazaar under the frosty glower of the PTFA Chairman). “I’m driving home for Christmas, oh I can’t wait to see their faces” (no, I’m taking in my neigbour’s third bastard Amazon package today!). “I take a look at the driver next to me, he’s just the same,” (no, I’m now having to resort to sticking the gingerbread house together with PVA glue). This song deserves, by the very virtue of it’s subject matter, a proper pre-Christmas-car-journey-in-horrendous-traffic situation.
Santa Baby covered by Kylie. A song as gooey and sweet as melted advent chocolate! For this one you will need: a large Baileys on ice, the central heating turned up (or a lively log fire), the kids in bed and a just opened box of Thorntons – that one you’ve been saving for Christmas guests but now give zero f*cks about sharing.
Let it Snow sung by Dean Martin. A dreamy vintage tune best played when the whole family congregates around the dining table. A pleasant reminder of halcyon days gone by when people didn’t eat their christmas meal in a onesie whilst posting a pic of their turkey dinner on Insta!
Fairytale of New York sung by The Pogues. A very popular and useful song particularly at office Christmas parties because even if you are paralytically p!ssed you will still sound infinitely less drunk than the original when you end up ‘singing’ it with the karaoke machine.
Merry Christmas Everyone sung by Shakin’ Stevens. This is a great festive tune to deploy for motivational purposes when wrapping a mountain of presents and really you’d rather slice off your own thumbs with an electric carving knife than wrap another sodding gift!
Away in a manger sung by small children the length and breadth of the country. A belter of a carol! You’ll either need a heart of quick setting concrete encased in reinforced titanium or indeed a handy pocket sized packet of tissues to get through this one. Sniff!
#everyotherchristmassong sung by Michael Bauble. Holly Jolly Christmas gets a thumbs up from me (because my electric carving knife doesn’t work)!! Enjoy!
Which is your favourite Christmas song and why? Go on, force yourself to be festive and pop it in comments!
As you were and Merry Christmas obvs, love from a small village in Devon.